Teenagers Scare the Living Sh*t Out of Me

I decided to use an eponymous lyric from The Black Parade for the title to this meme I got tagged with by SF that worked with it. Yes, "Mama, we're all full of lies" is a more obvious choice... and that's why I didn't choose it. The anti-subtlety of "Teenagers" works better I think. Likes anyone who actually reads this thing actually cares about MCR...

ANYWAY... this meme is to un-not lie seven "facts" about yourself. Simple as that. And so it begins...

1. I once won the quickly-canceled Albanian Idol by default. But it WASN'T because I was the only one who showed up, mind you. Interscope wanted to sign me, but I had to respectively decline, due to my recently having signed onto an off-Broadway musical version of Red Dawn. It, um, didn't go too well. I think it's because C. Thomas Howell actually reprised his role. It was like an audience of victims of the tape from The Ring!

2. Michelle Pfeiffer has repeatedly tried to kill me. About four months ago, I, while driving under the influence of an inhuman amount of cocaine (crack is whack), may or may not have ran over her. Multiple times. And then bashed her head in. With a signed picture of Nicole Kidman. Taped to a crowbar. But I mean it's not like I killed her! Oh wait... I did.

(cue "Twilight Zone" theme)
3. Audrey Tautou and Ludivine Sagnier sang a four-part harmony of "Summer Wind" in perfect Hebrew at my Bar Mitzvah, which was held during a series of Allied bombings in the Parisian catacombs. There's more wrong with that statement than you think.

4. Even though he'd never admit it, Baz Luhrmann heavily based Moulin Rouge! on my whirlwind romance with Marie Antoinette-Bouvier. La Traviata my ass!

5. In 2003, I attempted to release three giraffes from the Buffalo Zoo, in the hopes of dramatically riding off into the sunset and into that tear in space-time that has alluded me so. But, alas...

6. ... I received my first felony conviction, and served 17 years. Why? I may have blown up some people. But that's none of your concern. But there, even though it was an all-male prison, I met a wonderful girl, Chieko. Ah, Chieko. Her flowing black hair, that pink stripe, the deafness, the inability to keep her pants on. And then, in the middle of a particularly warm night, she took a cheese grater and [redacted] and that, graphicness and all, is how PJ was born. That's right --

I'm my own grandfather.
7. How did I come home, then, back to the future, which is now, but is the past, to the future, and the future to the past, and a grape soda to the Russian empress? I didn't. Don't ask. I mean seriously: don't ask questions to which you're not prepared to hear the answers.

Okay, so, I tag Rurrr, DL, Nick, Catherine, and Slayton (newly Americanized and e-dating me or something [???]). You guys don't have to do it, but if you don't... I'll bring out my vast conspiracy files, one of which about Reagan and a concealed "hamster incident"... AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!