Sunday, December 31, 2006

There Was A WHOLE Lot of Sh*t

I just made a list of the worst(-looking) films of 2006 to me.

63 FILMS.

Including films such as "Basic Instinct 2," "Deck the Halls," "The Covenant," "Doogal," "Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties," "Harsh Times," "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector," "Little Man," "The Marine," "Open Season," "The Return," "The Santa Clause 3," "The Shaggy Dog," "Zoom" (Tim Allen had a really bad year,) "Silent Hill," "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of ricky Bobby," "Turistas," "Unnacompanied Minors," and "Madea's Family Reunion." The thing that surprises me the least is that there is 13 horror movies on this list (if you count "Garfield 2.") LOL.

I'll have my Worst of the Year list sometime within the next week. I have a lot to do. TTYL.

*I HAVE SEEN NONE OF THESE FILMS AND THE ANALYSES OF THESE FILMS ARE BASED ON THE ADVERTISING AND REVIEWS AND THE FACT THAT I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN SEEING THEM*

An Open Letter to... Eminem

Dear Eminem,

I hereby revoke your Oscar and give it Paul Simon. Suck it.

I Hate You,
J.D. Judge

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Saturday, December 30, 2006

For Your Consideration

This is a thing I'll do regularly. It's me telling you to watch a film I love. This week:


"DONNIE DARKO"
A Film by Richard Kelly
Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone, Drew Barrymore, Mary McDonnell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Katherine Ross, Beth Grant, with Noah Wyle and Patrick Swayze

Without a doubt, one of the most dark, disturbing, and oddly moving films I've ever seen. Jake Gyllenhaal gives his breakthrough here, and it's probably his bet performance to date. Go see it. It's beautifully disturbing, and it has rabbits. Evil rabbits who tell Donnie to kill and burn they may be, but... It has Drew Barrymore in it. Just go see it. Now available at Blockbuster.

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Ode To A Genocidal Dictator...

Saddam Hussein, uh...
Was the best, um, hmm... killer?
Damn those freakish kurds!

Best I could do.

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I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You...

My admiration for Miss Natasha Bedingfield, the Single woman.

Welcome to Randominity, a randomly selected collection of random things in my brain on a randomly selected date.

Borat looks a lot like Frank Zappa.

Has Queen Elizabeth II ever "spanked the monkey"...?

Hillary Clinton is such a whore.

Academy Award-winner Eminem. [shudders all over body]

I really should get off the chronic.

The probably isn't going to be any other AI winner or runner-up as good as Kelly Clarkson or even Carrie Underwood.

I hate Ricky Bobby.

But I love Harold Crick.

Paris Hilton can't act. Why does she try? The only thing I want to see in "House of Wax" is her slaughter. Cool.

Sinead O'Connor raped the pope?

Who the hell thought that Woodstock '99 was a good idea? I mean, in '69, it was peace, love, and rock and roll. And it was free. '99 was capitalistic, violent, and angry as hell. God.

Nicole Scherzinger is so hot.

So is Janet Reno.

I miss Saddam Hussein. The streets should be filling with blood, though. DAMN YOU, TREY AND MATT!!! You tricked me.

Kurt Cobain was God.

ELVIS IS DEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Who let George Clooney be Batman?

Hilary Duff is on heroin.

Eddie Murphy + Oscar win = More sense than Eminem hasing one [shudders]

God is so overrated.

Why doesn't anyone care about Rainbow Brite anymore? Oh, right. She was excuted by the Care Bears. Genocidal freaks.

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Friday, December 29, 2006

Lindsay Lohan: Actress?

Really?

It may be hard to believe, but Lindsay Lohan is an actress. I know, shocking! But even before she became a member of the Paris Hilton Incredibly On-Off Friend Club (other members include Nicole Richie, Kimberly Stewart, Britney Spears, and practically everyone else in Hollywood,) this was apparent in such films as "The Parent Trap" and "Freaky Friday." By the time of "Mean Girls" (called her best performance by some, I have yet to see it,) she became a paparazzi magnet. People started to forget she was a good actress, especially after "Herbie: Fully Loaded (with sh*t!)" She and Paris became friends, then enemies, then best friends, then Lindsay was tried with attempted murder, then they couldn't stand to be apart, then someone was bit by a rabid raccoon. All in the course of one weekend. Come on, it seems like this. Then she became part of 'Pantygate,' started by Paris and continuing with Britney, and, to a certain extent, Steve-O of "Jackass." Then "Just My Luck," and no one knew she could act.

Then, on the glorious day of June 9th, 2006, the sun finally rose after two years of darkness. "A Prairie Home Companion," master auteur Robert Altman's (sadly) swan song, R.I.P., was released in limited release. I was able to see it in mid-August at a theatre 25 miles outside of Niagara Falls. It was very entertaining, not 'the best picture of the year,' but certainly excellent with it's down-home goodness. And in the relatively large celebrity ensemble, was one 'Lohan, Lindsay.' This Lohan, Lindsay was very good, and then I realized...

[GASP!]

It's Lindsay! It shocked me into a coma. I woke up on Thanksgiving, just in time see "Bobby," one of he most critically-mixed (fmr.) Oscar contenders of the year. I gave it an A+. Including great performances by Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, Freddy Rodriguez, Anthony Hopkins, Harry Belafonte, Heather Graham, Helen Hunt, Elijah Wood, Shia LaBeouf, and even Ashton Kutcher...

and LL.

.....

She is a good actress, that's the thing people forget. She's one of those celebrities whose personal life is so messed-up and/or documented, that their careers suffer and tank, like Whitney Houston and Tom Cruise (he really scares me in that fact that he actually is an Oscar-nominated actor.) Mel Gibson is like the anti-Cruise. Racism = #1 Box office? Who knew?

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A Random Look Into My mp3 Player

You all know my Sansa, Jack, and a small peek into his life in the "What My Sansa Thinks of Me" post from a few days go. But what about other songs. This is a weekly (or whenever I do it) post for 20 random songs on Jack. Some will probably repeat over the weeks, and some may never be said at all. I (at this point) have 313 songs on it. Exactly. Here we go:

FOUR CATEGORIES (Every Song fits into one of these):
Emo
Female Artists (sub-categories: Respectable and Shame)
Songs from NOW! CDs (17, 22, or 23)
Soundtracks

1. "All Good Things (Come To An End)" by Nelly Furtado. My favorite song from Loose, without a doubt. It's so beautiful in it's softness and hidden depression. Hidden is the word. It's perfect.

2. "Pop Princess" by The Click Five. This is from the Hannah Montana soundtrack. Don't judge me.

3. "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song" by SpongeBob and Patrick. It's so retardedly funny. Bravo.

4. "Get Me Bodied" by Beyoncé. One of my favorite songs from B'Day. It, in a way, represents the non-singles on the album (although it might after "Irreplaceable".) Easily danceable hip-hop tracks. She really has an awe-some voice (separated because it causes awe.)

5. "Cloud Nine" by Evanescence. Great track, especially since in the first few seconds, you're listening to a heavy emo Alien band.

6. "Stickwitu" by The Pussycat Dolls. Damn it. Come on. You know it's good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a violent conservation with Jack...

7. "Camisado" by Panic! At the Disco. How many of these songs have you heard of yet?

8. "Under the Stars (Instrumental)" by Hans Zimmer. I stand by my claim that the score for "The Lion King" is one of the best ever. I mean that with every fiber of my being. It's all so beautiful.

9. The Original "Pokémon Theme". WWWWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The greatest anime EVER. At least kid-friendly. I'm 13. I got addicted when I was 6. Don't blame me. Blame the times. Seriously. And if you blame me, why the hell should I care? I admit, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (in Jigglypuff font, too!)

10. "But It's Better If You Do" by Panic! At the Disco. "Praying for love and paying in naivety." Ryan Ross scares me, but I admire him all the same.

11. "Freakum Dress" by Beyoncé. This, along with "Get Me Bodied," could be the next single from B'Day. It's fun and creative. But it seems a little violent in it's approach. Like me... Except I don't wear dresses.

12. "Time of Your Life" by Green Day. Beautiful. WHAT?!?!?!?! Green Day + beautiful = WTF? But it's true. This is one of their best songs. And it's depressing if you listen to the lyrics.

13. "Part of Your World (Reprise)" by Jodi Benson (Ariel). That's the one when she's singing and the wave crashes oh so beautiful. Love this and the original with all mi corazon.

14. "The Chairman's Waltz" from "Memoirs of a Geisha" by the greatest film composer in history, John Williams. HE WAS ROBBED (for, like, the thousandth time)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have okay with "Munich", but he deserved it more for this. DAMN YOU, GUSTAVO SANTAOLALLA!!!!

15. "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson. Good song.

16. "Jesus of Suburbia" by Green Day. This could qualify as the best song on Jack. It probably is. Perfecto.

17. "The Only One" by Evanescence. Starting to catch on in my mind. Good. Possibly great. I'll respond to that eventually.

18. "Why Not" by Hilary Duff. The McMix Edition. Oy. [crys innerward]

19. "Angels" by Jessia Simpson. It makes cry. In the good way. It's so beautiful. It proves she can sing. Sing sing. Still 'mentally challenged.'

20. "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand. Wow! I didn't know the dead assassinated archdukc of Austria-Hungary had a rock album! Yes, apparently the man whos death lit the fuse for The Great War (WWI for idiots) is now a band. I don't know. But the song is incredibly catchy.

Well, that concludes my list. It was supposed to tell you more about myself. But it probably only made you ask more questons. Farewell for now.

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Anticipation For The Inevitibly Disappointing

Josh Hutcherson A Gabor Csupo FILM AnnaSophia Robb
BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA
Based on the Best Selling Book
In Theatres February 16th

Yes, I am in high anticipation mode for it. It's a book that is incredibly close to my heart.

But the trailer... (to watch, click here.)

I'm scared. Don't forget, it's produced by the same people who made "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." But the book actually doesn't go into epic batte sequences involving imaginary characters. It's a deep dramatic book, light at the right times and dark at the perfect moments, making one helluva book. But it has Zooey Deschanel (sister of Emily of "Bones" on FOX, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy",) so I hope to God it's good.

It is grim, but incredibly hopeful at this point.

To Katherine Paterson, may all yours books be more successful then they already are!

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Greatest Animated Films Ever

This is a generally mixed question. I can easily imagine people saying "Snow White", "The Lion King", "Beauty and the Beast", or maybe something by Pixar (they're all up there). I hope to, in the coming weeks, create a list of (my opinion) THE BEST ANIMATED FILMS EVER. My opinion. Yeah. Tell your friends. It will interesting and probably sickening to the upscale cinephile. That'll be done by March. Promise. That reminds me:


Yes. See it. Do it.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Read the mp3 Player

This was originally supposed to be for iPods. But I don't have one. Instead, I have a SanDisk Sansa e250 2GB. It's very awesome. I'll use that! It's also really the first 15, but the last 11 I added because i have wy too much time on my hands! Here We Go:

1. How does the world see you?
Yes by Beyonce.This one makes no sense. Does it? I don't know.

2. Will I have a happy life?
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Here Clothes Off by Panic! At the Disco. This makes even less sense then Yes. But, it could telling my life will trying to show an ex=girlfriend what's she is missing. That makes sense.

3. What do my friends think of me?
Gift From Virgo by Beyonce. Um, I'm a Pisces. And apparently, my friends love thinking our time together. [shudders]

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Campfire Campfire Song by SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star. What the f--k!?!?! This only raises more questions about my mp3 player's mental state!

5. How can I make myself happy?
Goofy Goober Rock by Jim Wise feat. Tom Rothrock. I can cover Dee Snider songs and turn then the greatest moments ever in an animated film. Uh...

6. What should I do with my life?
Brave New Girl by Britney Spears. Oy. Oy, indeed.

7. Will I ever have children?
That's How You Like It by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z. No clue. This really makes no sense.

8. What is some good advice for me?
Wait For You by Nelly Furtado. Actually this could be patience for lovers. This fits more than others...

9. How will I be remembered?
The Mirror (Angel of Music) by Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. I shall remembered as an opera feak who kidnapped a french chick. At least it's not the President.

10. What's my signature dance song?
Upgrade U by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z. This works. Very much.

11. What's my current theme song?
In God's Hands by Nelly Furtado. Beautiful song. Very beautiful. Ballady. I love ballady.

12. What do others think my current theme song is?
Part of Your World (Reprise) by Jodi Benson. This is better to me then In God's Hands. This probably is my theme song. I love it, and haved love this is the original version forever.

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
Ring of Fire by Joaquin Phoenix. They want me to go to hell. That's comforting.

14. What type of women do I like?
The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance. What? Vampires? What?

15. How's my love life?
Say It Right by Nelly Furtado. It has an attention to detail and it's somewhat pessimistic?

BONUS ONES (made before I heard the next song):

16. How about school?
Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Good one, Sansa! It's saying that I am in charge of my life, no one else. If those idiocas don't treat me as human, I am in control. It also the my epic struggle against the Niagara Falls School District is not over, for "the rest is still unwritten"...

17. What do I like on television?
Underwater Sun by [I don't know]. Okay. I do like SpongeBob. It works.

18. What kinds of movies do I like?
I Can't Hate Me Anymore by Nick Lachey. Unrelated question: On his album, are there any songs that aren't about Jessica? Seriously! But this makes no sense.

19. What will the bride/groom song at my wedding reception?
Move Along by the All-American Rejects. It could be telling me that it will be a staple of my marraige. Any problems, "just move along"...

20. Will I ever be in some kind of power?
Crazy In Love by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z. No sense, but probably one of my favorite songs ever. Do you have any clue?

21. Am I a nerd, geek or spaz?
Cold by Crossfade. Heavy metal Emo. Perfect.

22. How will I die?
Holding Out For A Hero by Frou Frou (one half of it is Imogen Heap). This makes absoleutly no sense.

23. Will I ever kill anyone?
Poor Unfortunate Souls by The Jonas Brothers. I think this means I'll "help" them, but then they'll commit suicide (it was in the Hans Christian Andersen version), so, yes.

24. Will I have a future in sports?
The Other Side of Me by Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus). [NO COMMENT]

25. Should I play the stock market now or in the future?
Circle of Life by Elton John. Just like My Heart Will Go On from the first one of these I did, this is an Oscar-winning or nominated song that has absolutly nothing to do with the stock market. although, I think it could be that you gain money, you lose money. It's "the circle of" money...

REALLY BONUS (for curiosity)

26. What is the next song I will hear?
Masquerade by the Cast of "The Phantom of the Opera". Who knows where this would've fit.

Well, there you have it. You can do this. Actually, I recommend it. And tell everyone you know. EVERYONE...

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Welcome

Welcome.

I am J.D. Judge, from the lands beyond the waterfalls, if you're Canadian. If you are from land unequal rights and self-destructive politicians (Macaca - who would have thought he'd lose?!), I am from Niagara Falls, New York. The crappy side. Seriously. Horrible tourism industry, politicians as corrupt as they get. [sighs] Oh, well. I'm 13, so I can't leave. This is my blog half personal/half film & pop culture. Enjoy.